Mom's Not Working Together....

*SPOILER ALERT* Please do not read any further if you are a bit sensitive today. I'm going to state some of my opinions, and some days, I know I can't handle other peoples opinions as graciously as I would like, so please be advised!

OK... One of my pet peeves right now is the debate about vaccinations. It's frustrating me because I feel like it's turning into a blame game. I personally vaccinate for some things, but I choose not to for others. I feel I have some good, solid, reasons, and I have done my best to educate and research out the information I THINK is correct.

I know the hot topic ones right now are MMR and HPV. Also, the Flu shot and a few years ago the H1N1. Now, I'm not going to write this and then not tell what I've done because I don't think that's right. I feel that if I'm going to open the can of worms here, I need to be honest. I vaccinated for MMR, DTPT, and Hep B. Also, some of the boys have had the Meningococcal C. That one leaves me feeling a bit uneasy, but we did choose to do it. It was important to me for the boys to be vaccinated against Polio, out of respect for Sylvia, a special woman in our lives who is a quadriplegic due to the Polio outbreak of the early 50's.



The MMR left me uneasy, but when I started my Motherhood journey, it was before the internet age, and so information was limited. I don't regret it, but I sure don't love it.

I have not, and won't, vaccinate for Chicken Pox, Flu, HPV, or H1N1. Which leads me to rabbit trail #1.

Did you know that the virus that leads to HPV basically doesn't exist within the Jewish race? They have linked the lack of the virus to circumcision. Another hot topic item, I know. On a side note, they have also discovered that in African countries where male circumcision is done, there is a lower rate of AIDS. Granted, this could also be due to a higher rate of monogamy, but what are the odds it has been linked twice. Now, before the debate starts about circumcision, please respect mine and Jody's decision to go that route, and before you tell me it's mean and it hurts, let me respond by saying...

"I have spent more time in my parenting journey watching my boys experience pain from self-inflicted injuries, vaccination needles, blood tests, and IV's, then it took for them to be circumcised. In fact, I have had to pin their little legs and arms longer for vaccinations, and their was no general anesthetic. All four of my boys have cried during vaccinations, only two cried during circumcision."

Now, as for Chicken Pox, Flu, and H1N1, well, we chose not to. I know there are children out there with compromised immune systems that benefit greatly from these, and although I had a child with a compromised immune system for 5 years, we still chose not to partake. Which leads me to rabbit trail #2!

Nolan was diagnosed with Colitis at 2 1/2, but we were told he would grow out of it. I am very thankful that he has! When Nolan would have a bout of Colitis, his immune system would bottom out, and if he was around anyone with a bad cold or flu, his would turn into Pneumonia. He was hospitalized quite a few times for this the first year, and twice ended up with Pleurisy.



He still has scar tissue on his lungs. (The little spiderman tattoo and bandaid you see on his left side in the photo, is where his scar tissue is. I would know we were getting into trouble when he would come and ask for a bandaid.. ) Again, the Flu shot was pretty new then, and I just couldn't do it. Instead, I chose to focus on building his immune system and stressing personal hygiene within our home. I researched, talked to, did more research, and decided on a natural way to help him. He is now my healthiest child... :) You know what frustrated me the most through it all though? Parents would judge me for not giving him the Flu shot, then send their child to school hacking, coughing, and snotting all over my healthy child with the low immune system. When I knew he was bottoming out, I kept him home. In a society where a parent practically gets court martialed for not sending a pre-packaged "peanut free" snack to school, why are we not also supporting the parents of children with compromised immune systems by keeping our sick children home until they are better? It makes no sense to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the single working Moms, trying their best to make ends meet, who can't afford to take a day off. For them? I say, shame on us stay at home Moms! We all know how to look after a sick kid without getting sick ourselves, so why aren't we supporting them? Why aren't we pledging to be their child's "sick Mom" for the day. Why aren't we heading over to their homes where we can tuck their precious pumpkins onto couches, throw on a load of laundry, and take a Lysol wipe to their bathroom for them? All we need to do is practice some serious hygiene habits, and spend the day lovin' on their child for them. We all know they'd rather be home anyway! So, yes. Please don't misinterpret my complaint here. We should be working together way more then we are.

As for H1N1? Well, I wasn't going to do that one either, but even if I had, we couldn't have got the vaccine before we all ended up with it anyway. Yes, our household got hit with H1N1. It was a rough one, but we did alright. Unless I had been a line jumper, we couldn't get it in time anyway.

Rabbit trail #3? Parents being insensitive to other families beliefs. You know what? It's funny how we can get our panties in a knot about what's passionate to us, and completely offend people with stuff that is passionate to them. I personally am allergic to cigarette smoke. So is Ethan. Our throat tightens up and we struggle to breath within minutes of being exposed. Yet, people still smoke. Ethan and I both know it is up to us to avoid it. I have a close friend whose daughter is deathly allergic to peanuts. Her motto?

"The world is not, and never will be, peanut free. She needs to learn to be self aware, and be responsible for what she eats."

This being said, when they have been here for a meal or a birthday party, I am extremely sensitive to her needs! (Although, Ethan spent a few years eating his lunch in a different room at school when he had a peanut butter sandwich, and was taught to wash up very carefully afterwards! This I had spoke to my friend about, and she was totally fine with it.) I have had homemade snacks sent home because they may not be "Peanut Free", when I know darn well that it is. Am I supposed to load my boys up on pre-packaged baking because that's safer?? Well, that goes against some of my parenting thoughts. (Again, that doesn't mean they don't get them! It just means I try my best to make most of those types of food at home. But let's be honest here, you just can't beat a Mr. Christie Oreo Cookie, and I'm not willing to try to make them!)

I guess I'm just asking people to respect the differences. We all have our own opinions, and our own reasons for our opinions. It seems unnecessary to attack each other over health issues, when we ALL have differing priorities. How about instead of making fellow Mother's feel bad over our parenting choices, we choose to embrace the differences and rely on each other's experiences.

OK, one more rabbit trail! I was blessed to begin my parenting journey on a small Island. Once the ferry was gone, you had no way to the Hospital and so I felt the need to learn. I learned how to deal with croup. I learned how to deal with letting a fever kill the virus, rather then killing the fever and prolonging the virus. I learned the benefits of eating local foods and hormone and chemical free meats. I learned that Acetaminophen is better for fever, and Ibuprofen is better for pain. I learned that eating only your local honey can help prevent allergies. I learned to deal with Mastitis without antibiotics. We had chicken pox parties for heaven's sake!



I learned the benefits of green tea and honey for my 2 year old. I learned the benefits of working together to support a family financially and emotionally, during times of stress. I love how this shaped and helped me. I loved that my sons could play with the unvaccinated child. It was those parents that stressed and taught me about the benefits of the Green Tea and Honey that kept Nolan going some days. That was their way.

So, to end the opinionated post here, I just want to ask for grace and tolerance amongst us Moms. We are so overloaded with information nowadays, that it's hard to wade through it all. Every Mother I know, is just doing her best to protect her own family, and we need to embrace the diversity instead of causing division.

Now, I'm off to hurry through my chores of laundry and dealing with the last of my Okanagan apples, so I can research more on the benefits of Vitamin D!

Trying To Teach Chivalry, In An Internet Driven Age...

Lately, there have been a ton of blog postings, articles, and news reports on internet safety and the over use of electronics for our children. I know this has been a point of struggle in our home for years. The struggle for me has been that I'm not an "electronics" person. I don't watch TV, I listen to CD's or the radio, and I have no interest in playing computer or video games. Other then streaming my favorite radio station through my lap top, (with facebook sometimes running in the background!) my computer is only used for photos, household needs, recipes, and online shopping. This left me wondering, praying, and fretting over how to deal with internet safety and the accidental or curious google that could potentially bring something up that MENN weren't quite ready for.
Our only kid with a cell phone is Morgan, and it actually sits in the cell phone basket most days. He grabs it when we head to a city, so I can drop him off somewhere and we can stay in touch. He doesn't take it to school, nor does he text all day with friends. He just simply doesn't want to. Morgan also has a facebook account, which he sortof got bothered by, and so rarely uses it either.
Now here comes the strong opinion..... Brace yourself! I don't think kids should have free reign on the internet or their cell phones. I don't agree with it. To me it's the same reason we don't let them drive before 16. They shouldn't be left to shoulder that kind of responsibility alone. Old fashioned? Maybe. I see it more as setting them up to fail in a controlled environment, so it becomes a conversation starter, rather then a disaster.
I'm going to go off on a rabbit trail here for a minute to back up my opinion.

I have a love/hate relationship with this quote. You see, having the pressure to raise 4 of "that kind of man", in a culture that doesn't actually support our efforts, is terribly hard! I get mocked, called a helicopter Mom, told I'm over protective, and get all sorts of other names flung in my direction. Why? Because I am trying desperately hard to guard the hearts of my MENN, and raise them to be worthy of a girl with these traits! Everyone wants the "perfect guy" for their daughters, then criticises the Mother's of boys who are trying to solicit a little support here! Enter the "Given Breath" mom, Kim.

 http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/

I want my boys to be adored by their Mother In laws, and respected by their Father In laws. I want them to treasure, protect, and love, the heart of their wives. How can I do this when they are being bombarded daily with the culture of "looking out for #1", or "if it feels good, do it!". I don't want my future daughter in laws to have the pressure of trying to live up to something that is false. I don't want my boys to be made fun of for their chivalry! I don't claim to know how to raise a daughter, but I do know a little about raising boys. You can't produce good results if they are left to raise themselves in an unsupervised world. End of rabbit trail!

For Morgan's 16th birthday, Jody and I decided to purchase him a MacBook Pro. We decided this because all his courses are online, and let's face it, this is the direction the world is going. Enter "helicopter" Mom! For a week, Morgan's computer was coming home from school everyday, and he had no internet because I wouldn't give him the wifi password. Yes, you heard me, the boys don't have the password. The only online access they have is when their is more then one boy at the computer, or Jody or I are home. We needed to fix this, because believe it or not, this still wasn't good enough for me. Mistakes could still be made. Enter our solution!

http://www.covenanteyes.com/

Morgan and I spent over an hour one afternoon setting it all up and getting all of our devices covered. We went with Accountability and Filter for the boys, with different filter settings for each. What this does, is allow them internet access on all their devices, but with an accountability report being sent to my email account. Also, there are different filter settings based on age, but you can add websites to their personal accounts. You know what I thought was the most interesting? Morgan looked at me with a big smile on his face and said;

"You know what Mom? I feel like I've taken another step into manhood! Thank you so much for doing this. It makes me feel so much more secure about everything."

I was a bit shocked at the relief in his response, but said;

"You know what Buddy? We all feel better with solid boundaries."

The younger 3's response?

"You mean, we can go on the internet now and not have to worry about mis-spelling something?"

Yes! That's exactly what it means! Now, before I get accused of the question...

"Well how is that letting them fail in a controlled environment when you're controlling the filter settings?

The filter settings aren't set as high as I could have, and I'm more going with the thought that I receive the accountability report, which is a conversation starter!

The excitement of MENN having the feeling of "With great power comes great responsibility!" in another area of their lives, was all I needed to feel like I had done the right thing. Isn't that what it's all about? Molding, teaching, praying, guiding, protecting, conversing, disciplining, and allowing room for them to figure it out. This to me, is how we can raise.... "That kind of man."



My Thor-Like Firstborn Son...

Well, it's been far to long since I wrote, and here I sit again, blogging about a son. Like all Mothers, I adore my children. In my daily life, I struggle to not put them first. I truly believe that my marriage needs priority over my boys, and my relationship with God, priority over my marriage, but some days this is a huge challenge for me. I know this point can be argued profusely, but this is not why I wrote that statement. It was to explain a piece of my heart.

Two months ago, Morgan turned 16.



I loved it, and hated it, all at the same time. Morgan is a source of stability for me. He always has been. He was not born with a "job", nor did I want a baby for "unconditional love". I already had that. I had unconditional love from God, my family, and my husband. This I knew. But wow, did I ever want to be a Mom. Being a Mom for me was plan A. When Jody and I got married, I was 19, and ready for children. Or so I thought. Are we ever actually ready?? I don't think so, but that's a whole different blog post!

10 months into our marriage, I was pregnant. I cried with joy. After that, sickness and fatigue took over and I fought through the next nine months just trying to keep any nutrition down. Other then the constant nausea and always feeling tired, I LOVED being pregnant. I felt like I was doing what I was built to do.

When Morgan was born, he was strong, healthy, and ready to conquer the world. He was almost 10 pounds, had a ton of hair, and these piercing, bright blue eyes. We knew from day one that he had the heart of a warrior. You could just see it in him.



My relationship with Morgan changed slightly when he was 5 months old. That month, Jody was diagnosed with cancer. Losing my own Dad at such an early age, I went through a time of fear and prayer for my son. And myself. Then one night, my heart quieted, and I was at peace.

It happened late one stormy January night. I was up nursing Morgan in his room, sitting in my glider rocker. I looked down at this precious gift and started to cry. I cried for all that was amazing, and I cried for all that was wrong. My tears fell onto him and I verbally spoke to him;

"No matter what, we will be OK. If it just ends up being God, me, and you, we will be OK. I promise."

For good or bad, that was when it changed. We were a team. I knew then, that even though we may have ups and downs, we could handle whatever life threw at us. However, once my heart was at peace, I also felt a stirring within me that all would be fine. I knew that God would not require me to raise this precious boy alone. And He hasn't.

Morgan is a rock. Somehow he has learned to ground me in situations where I could potentially fly off the handle. He respects that I am Mom, yet holds me accountable for reactions. He has taught me to pause. He has taught me that some things just aren't a big deal, but other situations need me to unleash my mother bear. He has lead by example that sometimes you need to walk away, and sometimes you need to defend.

The boy has grown up with a weapon in his hand. Be it a stick, sword, mallet, firearm, arrow, or axe. Real or imaginary, he is ready for battle.

 

 

 

 

 

His bedroom resembles the inside of a castle, and his heart reflects that also. Morgan loves his chosen Martial Art, Taekwon Do, and walks with a gentle confidence because of it. In the sparring ring, he is a defensive fighter, and that is what he prefers. He knows who he is, what he is capable of, and for the most part, respects that immensely. 

As I reflect back on the boy he was, and the man he is becoming, I feel so blessed and grateful at being chosen to be his Mom. He was planned, wanted, prayed for, and celebrated! With him turning 16, I am reminded of how close we are to him journeying off to start his own life adventure, and causes me to pray more fervently for his unknown, and precious, future wife.

My heart aches at the thought of not having him under my roof, and it sings at the thought of the life he has the potential to carve out. I can't wait to see what God has in store for my Thor-like son, with the God fearing, warrior heart!



Celebrating Nathan!

11 days ago, my baby turned 10. It feels like it's only been a few months since I was sitting having birthday cake on my 27th birthday, nudging Jody to let him know I was in labour. Where have the years gone?

I remember people asking me when I was pregnant if I was hoping for a girl, and they had a hard time understanding that I wasn't.

 

 

 

I would have been totally happy with either, but I really did want 4 boys. When Nathan was born, I was thrilled. Our MENN were complete.

 

 

 

Nathan has added such a great dynamic to our family. Personality wise he is my only son that is an introvert. Sadly, this has taken me YEARS to figure out. Nathan is well aware that the thought of him moving out one day, totally stresses me out, but also excites me for him all at the same time. Being the youngest, he himself is already stressing out about his brothers moving out, and so is able to greatly empathize with me through the situation. With both of us being a youngest, it has connected us in a way that the others can't understand. Our hearts just get it.

He is also our only son with my curly hair... :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

He absolutely adores his 3 older brothers.....

Sticks very close to both Jody and I, and has an incredibly strong sense of loyalty to family and friends. You would be hard pressed to find a kid his age that will stick that close, and be that loyal to family or a buddy.

 

 

However, with that comes his ability to turn his back and walk away without even a second glance if he has been mistreated or someone he loves has been. If the loyalty is not returned, he learned early to walk away. Some people need years to figure this out. Unfortunately, he had learned it by the time he was 6. When he was first born, a close friend of mine described him as having an "old soul". At the time I thought that was odd, but I now understand what she meant. He seems to be wiser then his years, and has the uncanny ability to see past the fake or the untrue.

 



He has no time for meanness or drama. Sometimes this comes across as snobby, and sometimes it is. He can be stubborn, he can brush someone off, or he can ignore you if he doesn't approve of your behaviour. This, we are working on daily. As gracious as he is with certain aspects of life, sometimes he struggles to extend that grace when he should. This we also continue to work on.

He is quiet to the outside world, yet my loudest kid in a comfortable setting. He reserves his smiles and affections for his near and dear, does not give this out easily, yet gives unabashedly to those he loves. This personality trait he gets straight from his wonderful Dad.

Morgan is his biggest and most favorite superhero of all time.

                                    

 





Ethan is his best and most fun playmate.

 

 

 

 

 

Nolan is his fiercest competition, and yet his most loyal ally. Right from day 1... :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, as I take time to reflect on this precious gift of a 4th born son, my prayer for him is that he will continue to embrace who he is, a superhero himself.... 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That his dream of becoming a safari guide will one day become a reality for him....

 

 

 

 

 

 

That he will continue to have activities in his life that he is passionate about....

 

 





 

 

 

And that no matter what he decides to do, or where he decides to go, he will always remember to pray and follow God, that our door will always be open, a piece of my heart will always belong to him, and that home is where your MOM is..... ;)

 

 

Happy 10th Birthday Gibbs!!! You are such a source of pride and joy for me and I love you to the moon and back!