Tuesday 26 March 2013

Giving Up Coffee, The Double Double, and Excuses

Well, I'm chubby.

Now, before y'all try to defend me here, go back and read the title. I'm giving up excuses. I realized recently that as my weight has steadily climbed in the last 7 years, I needed to figure out what I was doing differently. Now clearly the most obvious is location. I've moved. BUT...there had to be more to the puzzle, because an extra 38 pounds doesn't just randomly appear. So I started a list. Here is what I came up with.

1. In Sointula, I used to walk 3 - 5 kilometers a day. Rain or shine. Plain and simple. Here, I don't. I whine instead and find excuses. Now, I do have a few valid issues, but I have a wonderful treadmill that we bought 2 years ago that cancels them out. Like;

"It's to cold out." "I don't want to slip on the ice." "It's to hot, the dog will overheat." "The mosquitoes are bad." and "I don't like walking through town here because there is really no where to go."

Apparently I want the Boogie Man's Hill circuit, Kaleva Road, Villian's Road, or Bere Point Trail. I also want the climate of the West Coast, and a wet stinky dog again. Who knew?

2. When Jody moved to Alberta 8 months ahead of the boys and I, I started drinking coffee for the caffeine boost. I don't like coffee, so I would put International Delight Hazelnut in it to make it palatable. Up until then, I would start my day with a small glass of pure OJ, and a mug of clear green tea. However, as my body wanted more caffeine, my coffee mug got bigger, which translated into more Hazelnut. About 250 calories worth, a day. Ugh....

3. Also since we arrived here, the Double Double Steeped Tea from Tim Horton's has become my life line in running boys to late evening activities. Especially when it's -20 or colder out. I used to only get one on my drive home from Campbell River once a month. It was a comfort thing for the drive, the last stop before we hit the highway, and became a bit of a tradition. However, here, I leave the city and hit the highway home sometimes 5 nights a week. It has become my evening pick me up for the 58 kilometer drive home, sometimes at 10:00 at night. Also, I can spot a Timmies in any city from a mile away, and am switching lanes before the boys even know what's going on in the middle of the afternoon. You get the idea. I LOVE my Double Double Steeped Tea now.

4. Last but not least, my joy. I lost my joy with myself. As life changed a bit after we moved, I struggled to find my place. I struggled to fit in to a community that I didn't understand. I struggled to find room in our budget to do all that was available to us. I struggled to find a place I felt I belonged. I struggled to figure out who I was. I struggled to dress so I didn't stand out in my crazy West Coast style. I had left all that was familiar and safe behind, hoping to find happiness and contentment with myself in our new life. Once the newness wore off, and reality set in, I realized it wasn't going to happen. Our family and home has it's own culture, beliefs, traditions, and heartbeat. Far different then rural Alberta. Not better by any means, just different. It has to be different. We were raised on an Island.

So, this started the process of looking at life differently. Last week I gave up coffee cold turkey and went back to clear green tea in the AM. I have removed any sugar at all from my steeped tea and am doing fine now without it. Thank goodness for a bit of cream.. :) I have an amazing treadmill in my living room that I am now using daily to walk at least 3 kilometers. No excuses! I crank my tunes and away I go.

As for feeling content with the Ellerie God wants me to be? Well, you'll have to stay tuned for that. I am finding my place though. I have a wonderful Church family now where I feel I can sink down some roots and belong, I am back to playing the electric bass guitar a bit, I have found my love of the kitchen again making foods that my family can recognize as being made with love, I canned my heart out last summer and plan on doing even more this year. We are back to eating only homemade jam. I am slowly returning to who I was before leaving the comfort of our Island home.  Hopefully, as I continue to re-learn that only God can truly fill the empty spots in my heart, and be my extra comfort and energy when needed, my body will slowly return to my God size, and my struggle with trying to fit in will shed off with the unwanted pounds.

Blessings!

Monday 4 March 2013

Listening to The Inner Voice

On Saturday morning my youngest son, Nathan, came to me and said;

"Mom, I'm having a hard time being a good Christian and doing the right thing."

He's 9. I inwardly smiled at his choice of phrasing, then looked up at him and asked him what he was struggling with. He answered with;

"Ethan and Nolan (the middle two) are wrestling and I want to join in. I want to join in on Ethan's side, but I know that will make Nolan mad. I feel like I should stay out of it"

I understood the situation he was in because Ethan was the older of the two, I could also hear that Ethan and Nolan were having a ton of fun, and knew that Nathan would change the dynamic. So, I asked Nathan what his little inner voice was saying.

"My inner voice is telling me to stay out of it because Nolan will feel it's unfair and ganged up on, but I really want to get in there."

I replied that he should probably listen to his inner voice. He smiled at me, agreed, and went to do something else. All was happy and peaceful. Minus the ongoing wrestling match on the landing.

Saturday morning I was also getting ready for a girls day out to Edmonton for a friend's 40th birthday when I looked at the weather report. I was to be the driver. We were under a winter storm warning. Rain turning to freezing rain, then turning to snow, add in 60 kph winds and you have a recipe for hideous road conditions. My friend's husband had wanted me to take their vehicle so he could pay for the gas, but my inner voice was strongly suggesting I take my own vehicle. Jody had bought some of the best quality winter tires (Nokia Hakkapeliitta's) on the market for my van last November, and with the weather report being what it was, I wanted the comfort and safety of my own vehicle, with my Finnish Road Warriors under me. I also did a head count and realized I was responsible for returning the Mother's of 14 kids back home safely. I was to take my own van.

Due to my husband having a bit of a cold, I hadn't slept well. I was exhausted leaving the house. God knew this. The birthday girl (who is not always totally on time...sorry!) was running 13 minutes late. God also knew that was going to happen. I still needed to gas up. God knew that too. As we left the gas station I silently prayed;

"OK Father, it's You and me. Please help me to bring me and my beautiful friends home to our husbands and babies."

We hit the highway. God knew exactly what time I was going to hit the junction of Highway 21 and Highway 13. Even though the speed limit was 80 kph, my inner voice said;

"Slow it down to 60, Koskela."

I slowed down.

God knew the driver of the fully loaded semi was not going to see me with a mini van full of Mothers. My inner voice said;

"Somethings not right. Head's up Girl."

Nothing looked wrong as the driver came into the intersection, but I watched the driver and got ready to touch my breaks.

God knew the driver was going to pull out and make a left turn in front of me. I'm sure my inner voice said something at that point, but quite frankly I missed it due to some expletives going on behind and beside me... :) My tires did their job, my van handled like I knew it could, and the van stopped just as the driver realized I was there and tried to correct his mistake. Seconds. That's it. Seconds. I slowly curved around him and proceeded through the rest of the intersection with a total calm. It was odd. I silently thanked God for his protection and carried on to Edmonton.

I never thought about it again until I was home safely and my husband asked me how the drive went. I mentioned that the drive home was a bit yucky but that I felt great in the van. I thanked him again for my tires and then remembered the semi. As I finished telling him the story, he wrapped his arms around me, nuzzled his face into my hair, and thanked God for my safe return.

At that moment, I had to thank God again for that inner voice. God's prompting. We may not know why, but He does. We just need to listen and obey.

I pray my sons will continue to listen as well.