Friday 4 October 2013

Trying To Teach Chivalry, In An Internet Driven Age...

Lately, there have been a ton of blog postings, articles, and news reports on internet safety and the over use of electronics for our children. I know this has been a point of struggle in our home for years. The struggle for me has been that I'm not an "electronics" person. I don't watch TV, I listen to CD's or the radio, and I have no interest in playing computer or video games. Other then streaming my favorite radio station through my lap top, (with facebook sometimes running in the background!) my computer is only used for photos, household needs, recipes, and online shopping. This left me wondering, praying, and fretting over how to deal with internet safety and the accidental or curious google that could potentially bring something up that MENN weren't quite ready for.
Our only kid with a cell phone is Morgan, and it actually sits in the cell phone basket most days. He grabs it when we head to a city, so I can drop him off somewhere and we can stay in touch. He doesn't take it to school, nor does he text all day with friends. He just simply doesn't want to. Morgan also has a facebook account, which he sortof got bothered by, and so rarely uses it either.
Now here comes the strong opinion..... Brace yourself! I don't think kids should have free reign on the internet or their cell phones. I don't agree with it. To me it's the same reason we don't let them drive before 16. They shouldn't be left to shoulder that kind of responsibility alone. Old fashioned? Maybe. I see it more as setting them up to fail in a controlled environment, so it becomes a conversation starter, rather then a disaster.
I'm going to go off on a rabbit trail here for a minute to back up my opinion.



I have a love/hate relationship with this quote. You see, having the pressure to raise 4 of "that kind of man", in a culture that doesn't actually support our efforts, is terribly hard! I get mocked, called a helicopter Mom, told I'm over protective, and get all sorts of other names flung in my direction. Why? Because I am trying desperately hard to guard the hearts of my MENN, and raise them to be worthy of a girl with these traits! Everyone wants the "perfect guy" for their daughters, then criticises the Mother's of boys who are trying to solicit a little support here! Enter the "Given Breath" mom, Kim.


I want my boys to be adored by their Mother In laws, and respected by their Father In laws. I want them to treasure, protect, and love, the heart of their wives. How can I do this when they are being bombarded daily with the culture of "looking out for #1", or "if it feels good, do it!". I don't want my future daughter in laws to have the pressure of trying to live up to something that is false. I don't want my boys to be made fun of for their chivalry! I don't claim to know how to raise a daughter, but I do know a little about raising boys. You can't produce good results if they are left to raise themselves in an unsupervised world. End of rabbit trail!

For Morgan's 16th birthday, Jody and I decided to purchase him a MacBook Pro. We decided this because all his courses are online, and let's face it, this is the direction the world is going. Enter "helicopter" Mom! For a week, Morgan's computer was coming home from school everyday, and he had no internet because I wouldn't give him the wifi password. Yes, you heard me, the boys don't have the password. The only online access they have is when their is more then one boy at the computer, or Jody or I are home. We needed to fix this, because believe it or not, this still wasn't good enough for me. Mistakes could still be made. Enter our solution!


Morgan and I spent over an hour one afternoon setting it all up and getting all of our devices covered. We went with Accountability and Filter for the boys, with different filter settings for each. What this does, is allow them internet access on all their devices, but with an accountability report being sent to my email account. Also, there are different filter settings based on age, but you can add websites to their personal accounts. You know what I thought was the most interesting? Morgan looked at me with a big smile on his face and said;

"You know what Mom? I feel like I've taken another step into manhood! Thank you so much for doing this. It makes me feel so much more secure about everything."

I was a bit shocked at the relief in his response, but said;

"You know what Buddy? We all feel better with solid boundaries."

The younger 3's response?

"You mean, we can go on the internet now and not have to worry about mis-spelling something?"

Yes! That's exactly what it means! Now, before I get accused of the question...

"Well how is that letting them fail in a controlled environment when you're controlling the filter settings?

The filter settings aren't set as high as I could have, and I'm more going with the thought that I receive the accountability report, which is a conversation starter!

The excitement of MENN having the feeling of "With great power comes great responsibility!" in another area of their lives, was all I needed to feel like I had done the right thing. Isn't that what it's all about? Molding, teaching, praying, guiding, protecting, conversing, disciplining, and allowing room for them to figure it out. This to me, is how we can raise.... "That kind of man."











Thursday 3 October 2013

My Thor-Like Firstborn Son...

Well, it's been far to long since I wrote, and here I sit again, blogging about a son. Like all Mothers, I adore my children. In my daily life, I struggle to not put them first. I truly believe that my marriage needs priority over my boys, and my relationship with God, priority over my marriage, but some days this is a huge challenge for me. I know this point can be argued profusely, but this is not why I wrote that statement. It was to explain a piece of my heart.

Two months ago, Morgan turned 16.



I loved it, and hated it, all at the same time. Morgan is a source of stability for me. He always has been. He was not born with a "job", nor did I want a baby for "unconditional love". I already had that. I had unconditional love from God, my family, and my husband. This I knew. But wow, did I ever want to be a Mom. Being a Mom for me was plan A. When Jody and I got married, I was 19, and ready for children. Or so I thought. Are we ever actually ready?? I don't think so, but that's a whole different blog post!

10 months into our marriage, I was pregnant. I cried with joy. After that, sickness and fatigue took over and I fought through the next nine months just trying to keep any nutrition down. Other then the constant nausea and always feeling tired, I LOVED being pregnant. I felt like I was doing what I was built to do.

When Morgan was born, he was strong, healthy, and ready to conquer the world. He was almost 10 pounds, had a ton of hair, and these piercing, bright blue eyes. We knew from day one that he had the heart of a warrior. You could just see it in him.



My relationship with Morgan changed slightly when he was 5 months old. That month, Jody was diagnosed with cancer. Losing my own Dad at such an early age, I went through a time of fear and prayer for my son. And myself. Then one night, my heart quieted, and I was at peace.

It happened late one stormy January night. I was up nursing Morgan in his room, sitting in my glider rocker. I looked down at this precious gift and started to cry. I cried for all that was amazing, and I cried for all that was wrong. My tears fell onto him and I verbally spoke to him;

"No matter what, we will be OK. If it just ends up being God, me, and you, we will be OK. I promise."

For good or bad, that was when it changed. We were a team. I knew then, that even though we may have ups and downs, we could handle whatever life threw at us. However, once my heart was at peace, I also felt a stirring within me that all would be fine. I knew that God would not require me to raise this precious boy alone. And He hasn't.

Morgan is a rock. Somehow he has learned to ground me in situations where I could potentially fly off the handle. He respects that I am Mom, yet holds me accountable for reactions. He has taught me to pause. He has taught me that some things just aren't a big deal, but other situations need me to unleash my mother bear. He has lead by example that sometimes you need to walk away, and sometimes you need to defend.

The boy has grown up with a weapon in his hand. Be it a stick, sword, mallet, firearm, arrow, or axe. Real or imaginary, he is ready for battle.

 
 
 

 

 


His bedroom resembles the inside of a castle, and his heart reflects that also. Morgan loves his chosen Martial Art, Taekwon Do, and walks with a gentle confidence because of it. In the sparring ring, he is a defensive fighter, and that is what he prefers. He knows who he is, what he is capable of, and for the most part, respects that immensely. 

As I reflect back on the boy he was, and the man he is becoming, I feel so blessed and grateful at being chosen to be his Mom. He was planned, wanted, prayed for, and celebrated! With him turning 16, I am reminded of how close we are to him journeying off to start his own life adventure, and causes me to pray more fervently for his unknown, and precious, future wife.

My heart aches at the thought of not having him under my roof, and it sings at the thought of the life he has the potential to carve out. I can't wait to see what God has in store for my Thor-like son, with the God fearing, warrior heart!